it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
