My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
