my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize