just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
