My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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