it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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