I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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