Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
