She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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