You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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