tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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