then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
