i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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