You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize