I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
