brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
