You're completely useless in the revolution.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
