Barsexuality is the new black.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
