How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
