And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
