dude i'm inner monologue high
Hippo gnu deer
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
