I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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