my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
