just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
