I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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