so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
