I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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