Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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