Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize