and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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