Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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