and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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