so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
