I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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