she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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