Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
