Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
