kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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