The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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