I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
fuck your aforementioned shoe
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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