Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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