That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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