This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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