Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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