Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
