I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
