I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
we're so committed to being not committed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
