so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
