Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
