if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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