i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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