I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
