windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
