I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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