cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
