Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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