I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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