She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
