why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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