She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
