did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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