Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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