My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize