i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just found puke in my bra..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
