Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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