I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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