Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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