Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
