I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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