SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You are the jesus of drinking
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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