She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize