I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The power of my boobs compel you
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
