I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize