I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
