Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize