at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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